The Way He Feels
by QuirkyGirl22
Summary: When Belle visits Mr. Gold's pawnshop, he is forced to make a difficult choice


He's standing in the shop, surrounded by several lifetimes of other peoples' treasures, staring at her as she stares back.

_I know you._

They are the most beautiful words he's ever heard. They are the most painful.

_I know you._

Gods, he wants to say yes. He wants to move around the glass case, take her in his arms and never, ever let her go.

_I know you._

But he can't. He can't, because Regina is standing there. Watching him with her dark eyes and that damned little smirk that says she knows exactly what's racing through his mind, what he wants more than anything to do, and what he will do in the end.

_I know you._

"No, I don't think so, dear," he says gently, and the doubt that begins to creep into her eyes is like a knife in the heart.

"I brought Miss French here to browse a little," Regina says to him, her little smirk slowly growing. "She's always loved_ dusty, old relics_."

It's on the tip of his tongue to remind the vain creature that she is technically raising her great-grandson, but he fights it down with heroic restraint. "Well, Miss French, feel free to look around." He gestures with a free hand. She walks a slow perimeter around the shop, where the air is so thick with tension you could cut it with a wooden spoon.

He knows the moment she sees it. It's a small, innocent looking teacup with a chip in the rim. She takes one halting step towards it, then another; all the while Regina is looking at him with a raised eyebrow, _daring_ him to make his choice. And so he must. Not because he is afraid of Regina, oh no, but because he must protect Belle. Just as he did before, he will push her away in order to protect her. He believed he failed the last time, but this time he knows she will be safe. Regina understands that nothing she can do will hurt him as much as seeing Belle live just beyond his reach, so it is in her best interest to see that the girl remains happy and whole. Moving much more smoothly then the cane would lead one to believe, he steps in her path, cups her elbow, and redirects her attention from the little teacup to a stack of books. "I rescued these from the library right before they boarded it up." He lowers his voice to a mummer and tosses her a line, "you remember the library, don't you?"

"Yes, I… remember." The place where his heart would be is nothing but an ever expanding hollow hole that aches fiercer than anything he's ever felt before. No, scratch that. He _has_ felt this particular kind of pain before. Once, when he came back home only to find it empty, save for some child's clothing and a dagger bearing his name, and another time when he sent away the woman he loved for her own sake, only to later be told that the safety he sent her to was no safety at all. He turns his back as she recites the fake memories. "I use to work in the library, before I went to the hospital." He doesn't have to turn around to see that Regina's knowing smirk has turned into a cruel smile. He would say he could feel it, but right now he feels nothing but the pain.

"Rumpelstiltskin," she purrs, and he whips around in surprise. She is not talking to him _exactly_; she is examining one of the books he had shown to Belle. "What an odious little man, running around and taking advantage of poor, innocent maidens. He deserved everything he got."

This time his restraint is not so heroic and he smoothly points out, "You want to read about a villain, dear, you should look at Snow White. The evil queen tried to kill the poor little princess three separate times, once with a constricting corset, once with a poisoned comb and lastly with a poisoned apple; just because the poor girl was prettier than her."

"It was more than that, and you know it!" Regina bites off sharply. Then, faced with his own mockingly raised brow and Belle's look of confusion, "I'm sure there was more to it than that. Come along, Miss French, we've other places to be." She slides her gaze over to where he stands. "I want to introduce you to a wonderful young man, Gregory Knight. He's the kind of gentleman that would take on a beast single handedly to save his beloved princess."

"Sounds like the type of fool who would get himself cursed in an instant. If whole armies can't defeat the monster, what good would a single knight do?" he mutters, more to himself than anything, but is rewarded by a quick twitch of Belle's lips.

The Queen frowns. "Come along, Miss French." Gold watches as they exit, the little bell over his door ringing a sad good-bye that echoes in his hollow heart. Moving slower now, he retrieves the little cup and runs his fingers over the rim. Feeling the sharp edges of the chip, he imagines letting it slice him to ribbons, until all of the pain bleeds out.

The sound of his little bell announcing visitors is not even enough to pull him away and he turns to tell whoever it is that he is not dealing today. Her sweet voice stops the words in his throat, where they lodge uncomfortably. "Sorry," she apologizes, "I forgot something." She picks up the books and turns to him. "I don't have any money at the moment."

"That's all right, dear," he answers, fighting the words past the lump in his throat. "Get the library back open and I'll consider us even." He turns away and tries to escape into the back of the shop. He can't watch her leave, not again.

"You know," she calls out, stopping him in his tracks, "I always loved Rumpelstiltskin." He turns back to her, his empty heart now pounding loud enough that he is surprised Regina can't hear it where she waits on the sidewalk.

"Is that so?" His voice is hoarse, like he hasn't spoken in ages.

"Mmm hmm. What's your favorite story?"

"Beauty and the Beast. I always felt bad for the poor princess, trapped forever with the monster. She deserved far better."

"But she fell in love with the beast," she answers. "And everyone deserves love, even princesses and beasts." Belle is standing mere inches away and he can only wonder how she moved so close when he never took his eyes off of her.

"Perhaps, but it's just a story. Things like that don't happen in this world, dear." She leans closer and his pounding heart stops.

"Don't you know? These stories were written to give people hope." She moves away, heading towards the door, leaving him frozen. With her hand on the latch she turns back to him. "In Snow White, even the evil queen was eventually defeated." She pushed open the door and holds it open. "You'll have to come by the library when I get it open, just to make sure I'm keeping up my end of the deal."

"I'm sure that won't be – " Regina starts to say, but Belle interrupts her smoothly.

"And thank you again for the books. I truly do love Rumpelstiltskin."

"Then, Rumpelstiltskin belongs to you, forever." He allows the door to swing shut and nothing, not even Regina's fierce glare, can dampen the joyous feeling spreading throughout his body. Hope, what a wonderful feeling.


End file.
